Sensory Overload

So to conitnue with the VBS saga.........

On Tuesday, we showed up at the main sanctuary where all of the kids meet together to do praise and worship before they go to their classrooms to start the day off.
Once we stepped foot inside, Asa became clingy and started grabbing on to me. This was a bit surprising for me, since he's NOT one that would typically cling.

We go over to where his class was and I introduced myself to the teacher and mentioned that he wanted to come back but seemed to be hesitating. She bent down to talk to him and say hello, and he barely responded. I'm standing there thinking "uh oh, this isn't going to work", and thought that I should just walk out the door with him before he had a melt down.

As the crowd of a hundred kids or more screamed out praises, Asa shrunk back more and more. The sweetheart went into his "silent sob" mode and I couldn't figure out what the problem was. So Annika and I walked him out to the hallway where we were trying to find a quiet room to talk to him. We ended up finding the "Bawl Room", which is where parents would take the crying babies. Cute name, eh?
As we were in there, I couldn't help but notice that they had the loud speaker on in the room, which would allow for the parents to hear the church service while they were in the room with their babies.

I tried speaking with Asa and I knelt down and tried to put two thoughts together, but all of a sudden my world just all came whirling around me in this loud noise that surrounded me. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't stand up without wanting to curl up in a ball. In a word-- I was coming unglued-- and QUICKLY!! All of a sudden, I just felt a quiet stirring in my heart that *THIS was how Asa was feeling right now in that room of hundreds of kids!!!! The Lord just quietly showed me what he was feeling not by telling me, but literally SHOWING me. I felt all that he must have felt, and I heard all that he heard, and I couldn't take it!! The place was LOUD, and BADLY so! No wonder why this child was breaking down in that room!

All of a sudden it all came together and I realized that he was on a pretty big Neuro Dip, and of COURSE when we go through these dips, his SID (sensory integration disorder) kicks into high gear. This is a time when things that won't normally cause TOO much of a problem for him, will come into play big time. All that noise which was too loud even for *ME*, was a killer for him! So when he went into that silent sob mode, he had every reason to.

Asa kept asking to go downstairs, over and over. I had kept telling him that the kids were all praising God now, and that once they were done, they would all go into their classroom downstairs. He kept telling me he wanted to go downstairs NOW. I hadn't connected it all at that point, so kept telling him he would have to wait.
When the Lord finally gave me that gentle realization of what was going on with him, I just knelt down and told him it was all going to be ok. I finally just said with a sigh "But honey,your class is all UPSTAIRS and they are going to worship first and you're supposed to be WITH them." He so sweetly looked up at me and with a sigh of his own said " I Knnoooowwwwwww, but it's tooo loooouuuuudddd". I could see that he so badly wanted to be with the other kids but the noise level and their screaming was just way too much for him and he couldn't do it.

Annika and I then walked him downstairs to the quiet classroom and he was happy and content, and said "Thank you, mommy" with a huge smile on his face. He had been so patient with this mommy who wasn't quite smart enough to "get it" right away, but finally, I did and the smile on his face was just precious.

Stay tuned for the continuing story of VBS (it's like his very own soap opera)

God's Answer for Asa

So, after praying, a minute goes by and the woman finally says that they are going to make a spot for Asa in the class. Thank GOD! I think they felt badly for me when I told them that I had given up my Nanny this week for her to be able to help the church out at VBS! And seriously-- I would have had to tell her that she was needed at home if I couldn't get him into the class since we'd have his therapy sessions that I would re-schedule. Well, either way, I'm glad that someone took pity on me at some point in their doings.

I found the classrooms for the other kids and got them all settled before taking Asa to his class. I introduced him to his teacher and told her that he would be fine, and here was Annika also to be a helper in case she needed anything. She was such a sweet woman and took to Asa right away. I walked away feeling peace that all would be ok for the day. As the uneasy feeling of leaving Arielle home with both a newborn AND a 2 yr old grew inside of me, I quickly walked out to the car -- you know, the one that was parked clear across into East Bubble Bologna (aka the other side of the parking lot).

On the way out I saw Aiden (9 1/2) walking outside with his class, going towards the field for their outdoor playtime. He was walking by himself not talking to anyone around him. It dawned on me that while I was so concerned about Asa needing someone to be with him, I didn't even think about how AIDEN would be! I forget that he has so many of his own issues, some of which I feel are Neuro-based, and I felt badly that I didn't think to try and shelter HIM from some of the uncomfortable feeling of the first day of VBS. So I called out to him "Hey Aiden, how're you doing?-- Have you met some of the other kids yet?" And smiled at him. Thankfully, the mother who was the class helper quickly picked up on this, and not to embarrass him, she waited a minute and as I walked away I saw her say to one of the other kids "Hey, did you meet Aiden yet?" and she paired him up with a few boys in the class. Phew-- another dilemma diverted.

At the end of VBS time, I picked everyone up and they all had a great time today. Yay! I asked Asa "Did you have a good time today?". Asa replied "Yup, it was fun"
(sounds more like "yip it was pun". LOL Then I asked "Do you want to go back again tomorrow?" to which he quickly shook his head and said "Nope". And that was it-- that's all I got out of him today.

Throughout the rest of the day I kept asking him if he wanted to go back, never really getting a reason why he didn't want to. I just assumed he had a good time but didn't want to go back for any specific reasons. Tonight before bed, he was talking to Arielle and all of a sudden, changed his mind. Sooooooo he'll return to VBS tomorrow.
Good for Asa!

Bible School Blunder

So this is the first day of the VBS for Asa. Bear with me as I get through the details of the first day's experiences.

I drag myself out of bed early enough to be able to take a shower/fix hair/do make-up, and also nurse the baby before I left him home with Arielle, my oldest daughter. I had to leave the 2 babies with her while going to drop the older 5 off at VBS since I remembered the parking lot situation from last year, and knew that it would be near impossible to drag a newborn infant all over the building while *trying* to find out where the kids' classes were, etc. This was the first real time when I was leaving the baby, so to say that I was nervous is an understatement.

We show up at the church, and sure enough, the parking lot is FULL! Now, we're "officially" handicapped with the Blue Placard and everything, so we ARE able to utilize that when needed. Since my mother was physically handicapped, the special parking spaces designated for handicapped people were things that we would typically AVOID because as mom would always say "there's always someone worse off than me". This is the same attitude that I have with Asa's placard as well. While Apraxia/Dyspraxia is a Neuro-based motor planning disability, he happens to have PHYSICAL ramifications as well.He has braces that are designed to help bring his toes outward for him to be able to walk straight without falling.
Most days we wear the braces, but with something like VBS, since they aren't NEEDED for him to walk or function, I won't put them on him. I won't subject him to being that "handicapped" kid that everyone looks at and can't treat normally. It's just not worth it to me.

So we skipped the braces this morning, and I figured that I would simply park in the handicapped spot for him to be able to be close enough where his walking across a huge lot wouldn't cause him issues or injuries. To drag a typical 4 yr old through a large lot with hundreds of cars passing through is difficult enough, so people will never have a clue how hard this is with someone like Asa. Well, wouldn't you know that the attendant purposely blocked off ALL of the handicapped spots so they were completely unusable!!! I was finally able to park all the way at the FAR END of the lot and ended up having to drag him through it anyway. Not a great beginning so far.

We FINALLY walk up to the registration table, and there are only 2 ladies in front of me in the line. Not too bad, I'm thinking to myself. TWENTY MINUTES LATER I'm still standing in the same spot! I finally reach over to where someone's sitting at the table and ask if there's any paperwork I can get started with so the kids wouldn't miss too much while we're getting things settled. The gal asked me how many kids, what ages, etc.

I told her about the older kids, and then she asked who the youngest one was. I said "Asa" and told her he's 4, and in the Pre-K class. I was abruptly informed at that point that there was NO MORE ROOM in that class and they would check to see if he could be squeezed in. I stood there completely and utterly dumbfounded not quite knowing what to say or how to react. "But, but but" I stammered, not knowing where to begin. "You have my nanny here and that's the only reason we came to VBS this week, so she would be able to help you guys out And we cancelled all of his therapy sessions, guess I shouldn't have done that". I'm certain that I wasn't making much sense to these ladies at all!!

A minute goes by and poor Asa reaches up to me and pulls me down to his level and asks in a PERFECTLY INTELLIGIBLE sentence (100%) "Mommy, what class am I going to be in?" to which I replied "I don't know, honey, they might not have enough room for you in their class, so we have to wait and see".

The poor sweetheart covers his face with his hands as he bows his head sadly and he goes into what we have dubbed "The Silent Sob". The child just breaks my heart with this one. I can handle it when he has a melt-down when people can't understand his words and the result being that he cries and fusses loudly while saying his words over and over (albeit not intelligibly). But what I CANNOT handle is this new cry where he just totally pulls inwardly to himself in a sad way. He's starting to become more introverted and non-communicative when he's upset, compared to when he would do MORE to communicate when he's upset. A new thing that's just heartbreaking to deal with and hopefully is just a developemental/age thing.

So I quietly stood by him and told him that we were going to pray. We prayed together that the Lord would make a place for Asa in that class and that things would be ok.

Stay tuned to see what happens next...................

VBS-- Blunder or Blessing?

There's an area church that starts their week-long VBS program today. Having 8 kids, I must admit that I am not always wanting to drag the little ones out so the older ones can go to things like VBS. I know that they have a great time and I know that they can learn many things about the Lord, but I also know that it's incredibly tiring on the smaller kids, and sometimes not worth the hassle overall.

When speaking to my husband, Tom, I had asked him whether or not we should have Asa attend VBS. It's a catch-22 situation, as it seems most things with him ARE. If he goes to VBS, you want to make that full-week commitment and then we'd have to cancel his weekly therapy sessions at VCCD (the Center for Child Development).Not only that, but knowing that VBS will completely tire him out, we have to pretty much realize that any of the additional home therapy sessions would just about be useless.
On the other hand, allowing him to be with 20 other kids the same age will allow him the PERFECT opportunity to use his speech skills while in a "natural" setting as compared to the therapy sessions where they are one-on-one with the therapist. The socialization skills that he's able to learn are also not to be ignored. Coming from a household of 8 children, Asa definitely has to learn interpersonal skills, but it's nice to have that happen outside of the home as well.

So we (more HE, than I) decided that it would be best to send him to VBS and cancel all the therapy sessions, other than his Hippotherapy which is later in the daytime and could still be managed. One of the larger thoughts behind our sending him to VBS was also the fact that our summer Nanny would be on the church property as a VBS helper in case there were any larger meltdowns or if his speech was so unintelligible that they needed an interpreter, etc. We also decided to send Annika, our 13 1/2 yr old daughter with him. Asa does quite well these days with communicating his needs or desires, but then again, sometimes adults have the habit of not listening carefully and might not get his words or the context of the conversation, making it difficult.

Not wanting to be a burden (I hate that word), or more so, a heavier load, on the teacher, having Annika there as his personal assistant just made good sense to me. I know what it's like to teach VBS, and 4 yr olds are difficult enough as it is, so I didn't want to chance that we would have a teacher that wouldn't be easily able to understand Asa's words, or to watch him carefully on the playground etc.
So Annika was overjoyed to go to VBS-- especially since she is too old to go as a student, but still young enough to want to have FUN! And I readily admit that having her go with him will give *ME* a sense of peace and assurance that *I* need in order to let him go.

The "fears" I have in my heart tonight are that the teacher won't take the time to hear Asa. That the kids will notice that something is "different" about him, and that they will shun him. That he will notice that and that he will be hurt. I also fear that he's not quite up for the challenge since we've been experiencing a pretty major Neuro-Dip since last week. (Rather than calling them "BAD" Neuro Days, I think I like the term "dips" better). I also fear that someone won't watch him carefully enough in a crowd of kids and that someone will bump into him and he'll lose his balance and fall.

Oy vey-- so MANY fears--this is so unlike me and this is unchartered territory.

Stay tuned to find out whether VBS will be a Blunder or a Blessing..............

WELCOME!!!

Hello Everyone!

Welcome to Asa's Articulations!

This Blog has been set up for a couple of reasons. The primary reason is to have a visible and "tangible" record of all of the achievements that Asa has accomplished with his battle against Apraxia/Dyspraxia.

Another huge reason is so that I, as his primary care-giver, would have a place where I can verbalize and ARTICULATE my own issues as I deal with the day-to-day things with Asa's disability. To at least be able to get out these feelings on "paper" relieves much of the stress that is felt.

Lastly, I also hope to be able to share some of those joys and sorrows with other people, whether they be a mom to a differently abled child, or whether they are a relative to someone with a disability. To know that someone lives with a special needs child is one thing, to read about it and to FEEL it happening to them is altogether something different.

Come, sit down and grab a cup of coffee and read this blog. Try to hear the heart of the author, and join me on our journey through Asa's Apraxia.